Didn’t I Say to Make My Abilities Average in the Next Life?!, Vol. 18

By FUNA and Itsuki Akata. Released in Japan as “Watashi, Nouryoku wa Heikinchi de tte Itta yo ne!” by SQEX Novels. Released in North America by Seven Seas. Translated by Tara Quinn. Adapted by Maggie Cooper.

So if the last volume was a soft reboot, then this volume is a return to basics. That’s good news for the newbie reader, who may be unfamiliar with our cast of characters, but it’s very bad news for ongoing readers who really don’t need Mile’s Greatest Hits Vol. 18. To make matters worse, when we switch to the Wonder Trio they do the exact same thing that the Crimson Vow did in the previous book, meaning we’re repeating stuff that we saw Mile and company literally doing last time. Things do pick up towards the end, when we meet a new character who manages to be slightly different from everything we’ve seen before… but the main cast think she’s annoying (to be fair, she is) and are trying to get rid of her as quickly as possible. Again, this has the feel of a series where the author has run out of things to say, but can’t end it because it’s too popular.

The Crimson Vow have started over as lowly F-rankers… which doesn’t even last ten pages before they are promoted to C-rank so they do not immediately destroy the town, guild, and everything else by being themselves. They immediately take an inactive mission that’s been sitting there, going to a village to try to kill the wolves that have been murdering their livestock. Except the wolves are basically puppies. And the livestock isn’t eaten or dragged into the forest. Yeah, something suspicious is going on here. Meanwhile, the Wonder Trio are also in this new land, and discovering the exact same things Mile did last time – the monsters are much smarter here. Finally, the Crimson Vow meet a merchant Girl who is desperate to make her name, and will be incredibly annoying till they help her.

So yes, Arli the merchant girl was who interested me most in this book, though it appears most of what’s interesting about her will be left to the 19th volume. She’s refreshingly rude and blunt, but it turns out that this is just a front, and that she’s far more depressed and exhausted than she makes herself out to be. I’m intrigued. I am less intrigued by Mile absuing the elder dragons to solve problems – again – or the Crimson Vow utterly destroying a group of village elders who wanted to take advantage of them – again. As for the Wonder Trio, they’re more irritating here, as they’re going over old ground almost to the point of saying the same lines, and they’re being unthinkingly arrogant in a way that’s not funny to the reader. On the bright side, the Crimson Vow taking a group of old fisherman on one last sea hunt was pretty heartwarming.

So yeah, another FUNA book down, and it didn’t even have the decency to have atrocities committed, like I can get from Potion Girl. Disappointing.

Guillotine Bride: I’m Just a Dragon Girl Who’ll Destroy the World

By Daigo Murasaki and Kayahara. Released in Japan as “Dantōdai no Hanayome: Sekai o Horobosu Futsutsukana Tatsuki Desu ga” by Fujimi Fantasia Bunko. Released in North America by Yen On. Translated by Kiki Piatkowski.

I almost wish this was worse. If there was something offensive about it, something that made me want to scream in rage (still looking at you, Livid Lady), I’d have no issues writing this review at all. Unfortunately, this has the misfortune of being bad in a bland, flavorless way, and so I’m reduced to looking down at my word count and see I still have 400 words to go. I joked on Twitter that this was a novelization of a harem anime from 2002, and it really felt like one… in all the worst ways. And, of course, it ended up being a cancelled series, so we’re not even getting any more of it. The author apparently also wrote Demon Lord 2099… which I didn’t even start to read. We get three love interests here (plus the childhood friend, who I fear suffered most from the cancellation as she’s barely in this), but none of them have the personality or pizzazz to carry a series. It’s just so… meh.

We open on a kangaroo court condemning a teenage girl, whose dragon powers can apparently destroy the world, to be executed, despite the efforts of the girl’s one friend. We then cut to a typical high school student council, where our hero Ryuunosuke is the vice president, and tends to do all the work. He has an assistant, a beautiful girl who’s in love with him. He has a cute childhood friend. The president is a cool beauty. Then he walks home, and a dragon girl, who had been blown out of the sky from the helicopter taking her to the execution, lands in front of him. Now he not only finds himself drawn to the girl, as he has the power to control her “destroy the world” shenanigans, but also his student council are far less normal than he expected.

So. Rinne is the dragon girl, and… she doesn’t have much of a personality beyond “loves Ryuunosuke and argues with Mari”. Mari is Ryuunosuke’s assistant in the student council, a vampire, and doesn’t have much more of a personality than Rinne, though I will grant it is a little more. Ranko is the student council president, cool scientist type, and mistress of exposition, and she doesn’t get much to do here except get shot and have a last minute surprise that doesn’t matter as there isn’t a second volume. And it’s not much of a surprise. As for Ryuunosuke… he’s Touma. He’s Tenchi. He’s Keitaro. He’s the sort of hero that Araragi and Hachiman are there to deconstruct. He is also boring as hell, and naturally when Rinne tries to strip and seduce him, his reaction is more “Whaaaaaaaaat?” than anything else. Even the final fight is kinda boring.

So yeah. Dunno why this was licensed. Anime coming? It might actually work better as an anime. It’s mind-numbing in print.

Durarara!! Side Stories?!

By Ryohgo Narita and Suzuhito Yasuda. Released in Japan by Dengeki Bunko. Released in North America by Yen On. Translated by Stephen Paul.

Even more than the Index SS volumes, I’m surprised that this is coming out over here at all. With Index, at least, you can argue that the SS books genuinely affect the plot of future novels. This one is a collection mostly of stories that ran in one or more of Dengeki’s 87 million tie-in magazines, and half the book is a tie-in to either a Japanese video service or a Narita series that has not been licensed over here and likely will never be unless it gets an anime. That said… it’s still a fun volume, because this is Durarara!!, and it’s ridiculous, and I’m just happy to spend more time with these idiots. There are no short stories in here that made me annoyed, though I will note that two of them do accidentally feature the same sort of thing. As for Vamp!… yeah, can’t do anything about that. Hope that Vamp! gets an anime.

The stories: 1) While eating the hot pot as seen in the main novels, we get “what were Mikado and Masaomi like as kids?”, “how did Anri and Mika become twisted friends?”, and “how did Shizuo and Tom meet?”. 2) A goon decides to impersonate Shizuo, a decision so hilariously awful that the rest of the story coasts by on “watch him suffer”. 3) Some quick hit short-shorts starring Celty. 4) We hear about the coming-of-age ceremony of Shizuo, Izaya, Kadota and Shinra. You can imagine how well it goes. 5) A desperate Erika tries to get Celty to become a Niconico streaming star, as Erika is in a war with a rival streamer. The identity of this rival may surprise you. Or not. 6) In a crossover with Vamp!, an unnamed succubus comes to Japan to feed off the desires of victims, but quickly realizes that everyone in this series is dangerously unhinged.

There are, honestly, two short stories here that are head and shoulders above the others, and unsurprisingly they’re the two that feature information that we really should have gotten in the main series. Mika and Anri’s meeting and subsequent friendship is not only driven by Mika’s supposed “need to have someone around to make her look better”, but also the culture of high school bullying in Japan, and she’s fantastic in it. (Speaking of Mika, the succubus chapter points out that while she’s obsessed with Seiji, there is zero sexual desire involved.) The other really good story is Shizuo meeting Tom, who right away is absolutely the best thing that’s ever happened to him. Elsewhere, the fake Shizuo story was very silly and dumb, though I liked seeing Vorona again. The succubus story (I don’t think she’s a cast regular in Vamp!) mostly serves to show off how bonkers Walker is. And there’s honestly too much Erika here. Finally, the book’s surrounding interstitial material is basically “Shinra and Celty are adorable”, which we already know.

DRRR!! fans should feel happy reading this, and are now doubt asking Yen about Vamp! as we speak. It’s a nice look back.