Father, Have You Sinned? An Assassin in Priest’s Robes, Vol. 1

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By Kennoji and Reita. Released in Japan as “Moto Saikyou Ansatsusha wa Inaka de Hissori Shinpu ni Naru ~Daishusse Shita Oshiego-tachi ni Shitawareru Ossan ga An’yaku Suru Hanashi~” by Dre Novels. Released in North America by J-Novel Club. Translated by Jade Willis.

Boy, do I have mixed feelings about this one. I’ve read this author before – among their titles over here are The Girl I Saved on the Train Turned Out to Be My Childhood Friend and Hazure Skill: The Guild Member with a Worthless Skill Is Actually a Legendary Assassin – and can’t help but notice that I eventually dropped both of those other series. The author enjoys dabbling in various genres, and it shows. I’d also argue the blurb is slightly false advertising – after spending the bulk of the first half focusing on Emilia, as promised, she promptly vanishes, as this book is not interested in her story. it’s all about the former assassin turned priest, his grim job now continuing in secret, and the crappy, crappy world he lives in. Things may be peaceful, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t lots of terrible people around.

The world used to be at war, and needed people like Zach, a skilled assassin and master of disguise. Now that the world is, theoretically, at peace, Zach decides to retire and lead a humble life as a priest in an orphanage – helped out by his former contact Rebecca, who disguises herself as a nun to help him because she has a not-so-secret crush on him. For the next few years, things seem to go well, and one of his graduated orphans is even now a knight captain in the nearby city. Unfortunately, there’s still lazy, creepy nobles, there’s still arrogant bandits, and there’s still child slavers. Clearly it’s time for a former assassin to put on a fresh new disguise and go out to take care of business so his cute l’il orphans can grow up in peace. He may even have to stop a coup.

So, despite the cover that seems to suggest a slow-life, relaxed sort of book, content warning: this book has a child being raped until she is killed. We don’t see it, but we graphically hear it. It was a repugnant scene, and honestly it wasn’t needed to show off the bad guys were really bad. We also see more child slaves in other sections, mostly there to be rescued by Zach. And there’s also Emilia, a 19-year-old knight captain who doesn’t seem to understand why it’s a bad idea to have all the knights room in the same barracks together regardless of gender. Zach is, honestly, a bit overprotective about this. The book emphasizes the sexism in its universe while also being sexist itself, and that doesn’t sit very well. On the bright side, the prose is pretty zippy, and some of the interactions between clueless Zach and the various women who like him but he doesn’t see it are cute in a light novel way. But honestly, I wish this didn’t have the fluff. It’s meant to be grim, and reminds me a bit of titles like Secret Saint and Kuma Kuma Kuma Bear, which also had rape in their early volumes before gradually scrubbing it out.

So yeah, I continue to have issues with this author. But if you liked their other titles, and don’t mind the questionable content, it’s certainly readable.

A Young Maiden’s Growing Pains: I Reincarnated and All I Got Was This 100X Stat Buff!, Vol. 1

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By Yuno Yozakura and Nimoshi. Released in Japan as “Seichouritsu 100 Bai Cheat no Tensei Youjo ~Heion ni Kurashitai no ni, Mawari ga Sou Sasete Kuremasen~” by Dre Novels. Released in North America by J-Novel Club. Translated by Kim Louise Davis.

I’ve mentioned before that a lot of light novels these days feel like eating stew. The author puts together various ingredients they have around the house, cooks it all up, and if you’re lucky it ends up being far tastier than you were expecting. Unfortunately, sometimes you aren’t so lucky. Sometimes you get what Japan calls “dark nabe”, where people throw deliberately bad ingredients in and the person eating it just ends up unhappy. This should have been a delicious stew. It’s a comedy – in fact, it verges on parody. It’s got a really strong girl who’s also kinda dumb. I normally eat these sort of titles up. Unfortunately, the book cannot quite get past… well, OK, there’s many things wrong with this book, but the biggest is that its heroine, Satie, is thoroughly unlikable. She’s not an airheaded ditz meathead who’s fun to read about, she’s just annoying.

Please count the cliched light novel tropes with me. Our heroine, Saki, is an overworked office lady (1) whose parents abandoned her (2) and who is far too small for her age (3). One day, she saves what she thinks is a cat from being run over by a car, only to die herself (4). She then meets a goddess (5), who explains that what she actually rescued was a plastic bag (6 – OK, so that’s only KonoSuba, but still). She’s offered reincarnation in Japan, or reincarnation in a world filled with fantasy tropes (7). Normally, for once, they don’t give out free stat buffs, but her death was so hilarious – erm, touching – that Hades offers her one cheat skill (8). She decides, having never had a boyfriend due to her small stature, to ask for a smoking hot body. But she words it ambiguously (9), and she ends up smaller than ever – in fact, she’s a perpetual seven-year-old (10) – but her strength is such that she can take down entire armies! (11).

Satie is a pain. Her buffed stats don’t kick in till she takes out a monster, so she doesn’t even realize what’s happened till she’s 13 years old and she kills a slime (12… OK, I’ll stop) that’s terrorizing a cute little puppy that turns out to be Cerberus, a hellhound. Instead, she’s spent most of her time sulking in her room. Her sister loves her, but also sort of regards her as useless, and her parents have given up on her. This is most as she’s given up on herself – she admits she’s not smart and hates to study, so this is not a “sure, my sibling got all the looks and talent but there’s still something I can do” sort of series. Once she gets her powers, she does do things like take on giant monsters, save her sister from a creep trying to use her as a hostage, and prevent a war between two kingdoms by taking one over in half a day. The whole thing is meant to be funny, but it barely raises a chuckle, mostly as Satie is just a whiny girl who doesn’t understand how life works. To be fair, she does manage to avoid breaking up the love between the prince and his childhood friend. Eventually.

This is a Drecom title, and so no doubt there will be one or two more, but they’re not out yet, and I feel comfortable abandoning Satie here. For folks who enjoyed I Shall Survive Using Potions! but figured a 12-year-old body was way too old.

The Trials and Tribulations of My Next Life As a Noblewoman: To Seize the Throne, Part 1

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By Kamihara and Shiro46. Released in Japan as “Tensei Reijo to Sūki na Jinsei o” by Hayakawa Shobo. Released in North America by J-Novel Heart. Translated by Hengtee Lim.

We’re definitely heading into the endgame with this book, though there will be three more after it (the series ended in Japan with book 6, and we’ve been getting it since book 2 in halves). The subtitle is absolutely not wrong, and for once the forced cliffhanger halfway through the book is a terrific cliffhanger – no “the book just kind of stops” here. That said, yikes, that escalated quickly, even for That Escalated Quickly: The Series. The entire volume is Karen trying to get word to Reinald to accelerate his plans, which may be a bit tricky given he was sent away to solve an insoluble problem. And there’s also the issue that, well, Reinald is kind of the bad guy here, and Karen spends a lot of the book firmly declaring she knows this but she is on his side anyway. We are choosing blood and conquest, and our heroine, despite her misgivings about gunpowder now being a thing here, is making it happen more than anyone else.

Karen prepares for Six to transport her to the city of Estaverde, where Reinald is doing delicate negotiations to try to get the city to be part of the Empire again – though so far they won’t even talk to him. Unfortunately, Six’s teleportation sends Karen on top of an assassin trying to kill Kiem, the leader of the city in question, and despite technically saving his life she’s thrown into prison. Quickly released thanks to Reinald, she delivers her message: the Emperor and Wilhelmina are teaming up to get rid of him. This forces Reinald to advance his plans, helped out a bit by the fact that Kiem has something he wants and Reinald can help him get it, and also by Karen, whose hair, in this country, makes her a sort of lucky cat statue. Then Karen goes back home and everything gets worse and worse.

The first two-thirds or so of this book is a lot of fun. We once again see, despite Karen thinking he has no feelings for her at all, and Reinald’s insistence that he’s not taking a wife, that they’re perfect for each other, and that Karen understands Reinald better than anyone except his closest aides, and while I think he still struggles to get Karen’s mindset, he’s now accepted it. We also get a really cool swordfight, showing that Reinald loves to fight dirty, not a great look for a supposed royal. That said, I was unsurprised that the moment Lubeck popped up in the narrative again things got worse, though Karen proves herself a very capable agent provocateur. Still, even she was unprepared for what she finds when she gets to The Box to destroy it. Gotta admit, they picked a really, really clever way to protect the box, despite it also being an atrocity in every possible way.

Excitement! Adventure! Really wild things! Horrors that make you ill and probably prevent this getting an anime! All this can be yours in another exciting Trials and Tribulations, a series whose title still does not lie.