I Want to Escape from Princess Lessons, Vol. 1

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By Izumi Sawano and Miru Yumesaki. Released in Japan as “Kisaki Kyōiku kara Nigetai Watashi” by PASH! Books. Released in North America by J-Novel Heart. Translated by Camilla L.

I went into this wanting to like it. I’d heard rumors that it was being disparaged on forums because it had one of THOSE shoujo boyfriends. You know, controlling, possessive, etc. The sort that seemed to be in every title from Viz Media circa 2002. The rumors are not QUITE true… OK, they’re maybe half true, but that’s not why this book doesn’t work. The book doesn’t work, chiefly, because its heroine is a dimbulb, and not in the fun way. She wants to be Katarina Claes, but she’s just too manic, too aggravating, and the eccentricities that are supposed to explain why everyone is doing this after ten years just read like her not bothering to try to deal with anything at all. Add to this a writing style that screams “I’m so wacky!” every page, a big brother that makes the sadistic prince look like a cupcake, and the standard “anytime I am embarrassed, I overreact in a ridiculous way” character tic, and this is hard going.

Leticia is a duchess who has been engaged for the last ten years to Clarke, the crown prince. This means she has been getting grueling lessons in how to be royalty for those last ten years. So when she spots her fiance with Brianna, a buxom black-haired beauty, she leaps to the conclusion that their engagement is broken (perhaps she’s read this plot in 87 other light novels) and immediately flees the palace, flees her house, and flees to a backwater part of the country, where she plans to climb trees, fish, and do all the other things that she was never able to do when she was a princess in training. There’s just one problem. She’s still engaged. Clarke really, really, really loves her. And now she’s coming back with him, and will not be allowed to escape once more. Even though she keeps trying. Again and again and again.

I hate reading too much into this plot, because it’s clearly meant to be a broad comedy, and everyone in it should be treated as a caricature. But the moment you try to apply a realistic lens to any of this, it becomes desperately horrible. We only see one flashback of the “princess lessons” themselves, but they’re apparently so brutal that they essentially shut Leticia down for ten years, to the point where she doesn’t even listen or react to people in any normal way. Um… that sounds like abuse? Clarke, at least, calls off the lessons once she is captured. As for Clarke himself, the book can’t decide if he’s a sweet lovestruck prince pretending to be a yandere sadist, or if he really is a yandere sadist. Oh yes, and the entire plot is resolved by the 112th page, meaning the last third of the book is a series of after stories giving us various short clips of what comes next, all with the same thrown together style.

On Twitter I called this the stupidest light novel I’d ever read, which ended up not being quite true. The plot did justify itself within its own framework. But boy was this a chore to get through. Somehow there’s a Book 2, which actually might be better than the first, as it focuses on Brianna, the gold-digging girl who keeps hanging around even after her role in the “plot” is long since dispensed with. That said, it’s not enough for me to read it.

Ascendance of a Bookworm: I’ll Do Anything to Become a Librarian!, Part 5: Avatar of a Goddess, Vol. 6

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By Miya Kazuki and You Shiina. Released in Japan as “Honzuki no Gekokujou: Shisho ni Naru Tame ni wa Shudan wo Erandeiraremasen” by TO Books. Released in North America by J-Novel Club. Translated by quof.

This is another Bookworm volume that’s more relaxed and peaceful than others. The last book promised a huge upheaval in Rozemyne’s life, and this volume is all about how that upheaval is going to affect everyone around her. Its pretty much got everything you’d want in a Bookworm volume… well, OK, there’s a long, long, extended story told from Detlinde’s point of view. That was nightmarish to read. But other than that. The most amusing thing about the volume is the fact that everyone knows that something is going to happen soon to knock everything off the rails, because Rozemyne’s life is a series of such events. They have a year till she moves to the Sovereignty, those she employs have three years… but they’re all preparing to move at a moment’s notice because bad things always happen to this girl. Admittedly, she always makes them into good things, but that is beside the point.

Returning from the Archduke’s Conference, there’s a lot to discuss, namely how Rozemyne is moving to the Sovereignty in one year’s time. She’ll need servants, but not all of them can go with her, and Ehrenfest can’t lose ALL the people attached to her. So some folks have to choose whether to stay or go, which is made more difficult by the fact that Rozemyne, who is trying to be considerate, is not making her own feelings very clear. Meanwhile, she’s managed to save Ferdinand for now, at least, and proceeds to send him enormously valuable paper, and he sends her piles and piles of gifts in return, along with a letter that even asks, in obscure noble language, “do you like me in a romantic way?”. Rozemyne being the glorious asexual hamster that she is, does not understand this at all. (Yes, I know, Rozemyne’s asexuality will last exactly until the author decides to have her be attracted to Ferdinand, but let me have this for now.)

There’s a lot of great stuff happening here. Wilfried, given everything that’s been going on around him, and his low point in the last two books, took things a lot better than I expected. The scene with the four siblings having a tea party was marvelous, and it was amusing seeing Charlotte and Rozemyne trying to one-up one another in praise. Elvira and Rozemyne also had a long heart-to-heart, and we get a better understanding of just how AWFUL everything was in Ehrenfest before Hurricane Rozemyne arrived a good 20 or so books ago. Of course, there’s still some ominous rumblings going on – the aforementioned Detlinde story is a walking collapsing disaster, and Sylvester’s story basically has to have him talk his way out of a cleverly engineered trap (probably by Georgina, let’s face it). So yeah, even we don’t think everything will go smoothly in a year’s time.

Next tie we’re back to the academy, but no one cares, because if you look at the cover for the next book in the series… it’s finally happening! Join us for literal character growth.

Reign of the Seven Spellblades, Vol. 9

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By Bokuto Uno and Miyuki Ruria. Released in Japan as “Nanatsu no Maken ga Shihai suru” by Dengeki Bunko. Released in North America by Yen On. Translated by Andrew Cunningham.

Well, the good news is the Spellblades anime was not the complete disaster the way, say, Spy Classroom is. The bad news is that it wasn’t all that great, either, and I doubt a lot of folks who hadn’t read the books will be reading the anime and going “whoah, need to read that”. Which is a shame, as these really are a series of great light novels, but alas, “first rule of anime: drop the internal narration” strikes again. As for this volume, it was mostly excellent, with one major exception which I will get to. It also had a hell of a cliffhanger, as for once the author did NOT write the end of an arc with “and I’ve run out of pages, so bye”, but instead teases us with something that I really don’t want to have happen but will also be really interested in if it does. That said, most of this is the last of the tournament, so fight, fight, fight.

There are three big battles in this book. First, Oliver, Nanao and Yuri have to fight Ursule Valois and her other team members, Generic Person 1 and Generic Person 2. This gets into a long discussion of sword styles but is derailed a bit by a flashback that made me want to drop the series. After that, Stacy, Fay and Chela go up against Richard Andrews and his team of final bosses, and do their best despite Chela basically being told “you can’t win because the teacher is your dad”. Finally, Team Andrews and Team Horn get a knock-down, drag-out battle which allows Yuri to actually become a real live boy but gives Nanao her worst nightmare: an erotically charged swordfight between Oliver and someone who isn’t her.

There are so many ways that this series feels like it was written by an emo 24-year-old boy. Sometimes this is awkward but endearing, such as Horn and Andrews battling to see if they get to call each other by their first names and maybe hang out sometimes. Sometimes this is pretty damn cool, such as Katie sticking to her principles so much that she might eventually turn evil and die, or Chela needing to be Bright Slapped by her dad. And sometimes it’s really awful and stupid. I don’t like “let me show you a flashback to my super evil abusive family to show you why I am super evil and abusive” to begin with, but this one adds a kitten to the trauma to make things extra horrible. There was no need for that, and I say this as someone who wrote very similar things when *I* was 24. That said, I’m never going to be able to stop Spellblades wearing its heart on its sleeve, which means that sometimes you get really awesome stuff, and sometimes you get this. It’s all just out there on the page, everything.

So the arc is over, go in peace. Tune in next time to see if Yuri dies, if Katie turns evil, or if Oliver and Nanao finally bang. The first two are far more likely than the third.