By Touya and chibi. Released in Japan as “Tensei Sita Daiseijyo ha, Seijyo Dearuko Towohitakakusu” by Earth Star Novels. Released in North America by Airship. Translated by Kevin Ishizaka. Adapted by Michelle McGuinness.

There’s a fascinating moment towards the start of this book where, in front of most of the Saint candidates and several doctors and patients, Fia once again does something completely and utterly ludicrous in terms of her magical power. It’s meant to be played for comedy, and it is funny, but it also reminds you what an anomaly she is. Those gathered don’t see her as a Saint, as she’s supposed to be for this competition, or as a Knight, which she insists she is, but as some sort of monster or cryptid. They rear back, and some literally run away. It’s a reminder of just how different she is – and you could say how far downhill the country has come in three hundred years, but while that’s true to an extent, let’s remember what the Secret Saint Zero books have taught us, that Serafina, in her own time, was ALSO ludicrously powerful above all of the other Saints. She’s just that terrifying. (And hilarious.)

We’re still in the middle of the first round of the Saint competition, and Fia is doing what she does best, which is “helping” all her fellow candidates by doing things that no one else could do as if it was nothing. In my review of Book 10 I mentioned that she failed to cure a man who lost his legs, and theorized that would wait till Book 11, and I was absolutely correct. She’s also winning the Saint candidates over to her side – the three from the last book are in her corner, of course, but even prickly Priscilla, who has really disliked Fia until now, starts to falter in the face of her goodness and niceness. Fia doesn’t have a political bone in her body. Which is good, as it means she’s not getting influenced by any of the political wranglings going on here, but also bad, as God, she’s such a dumbass.

If you’ve read my reviews of the last few books you can skip this entire paragraph, but here I go again: God, I hate the way these books are paced. I also dislike that the last third to quarter of every volume is short stories, but I think I wouldn’t mind that as much if things were not moving so glacially in the main storyline. Look, this is a good series, I like it. And yes, it’s very popular in Japan, and has an equally popular spinoff. The anime even starts soon. But come on, I don’t want to be reading it in 2032. I want to resolve the plotlines, bring in the demons, have Fia confront her past, figure out at last which one is really Sirius reincarnated (I *think* it’s Cyril, but…), and have everyone live happily ever after. Loner Life has an even slower pace, but at least it’s nearly 500 pages per book. Make things happen!

After Secret Saint ZERO 6, of course, which should be around in a couple of months. Till them, please stand in awe of the weirdness that is Fia.

By Touya and chibi. Released in Japan as “Tensei Sita Daiseijyo ha, Seijyo Dearuko Towohitakakusu ZERO” by Earth Star Novels. Released in North America by Airship. Translated by Sarah Burch. Adapted by Melanie Kardas.

Well, here we are back in the past again, with six-year-old Serafina. We’re still quite a few years away from her death, but the series has been teasing that it’s going to get dark, and this book continues that trend… though in an odd way. We open with an ominous scene of a demon waking and finding someone who smells “quite delicious”. No prizes for guessing who that is… and then we have the entire rest of the book, with the demon’s actual meeting with Serafina coming right at the end, in order to provide the cliffhanger ending. In between that… well, in between that is a typical Secret Saint ZERO volume. Serafina is cute and ludicrously powerful. The knights are all weirdos. Sirius is deeply in love with a six-year-old girl but in a pure, non-sexual way. The same old “this is good but Japan, why you gotta do this?” sort of stuff.

A meteor has fallen, and thus everyone is predicting terrible things. Serafina wonders why portents always have to be bad, and wishes we’d have dire portents of cake and meat raising from the sky. (The portents, unfortunately, are correct in this case – but not immediately). She then finds out that the knights have opened a “knight cafe” for the month… which is basically a butler cafe, with the hunky knights catering to young women. And at night it becomes a knight bar, which is basically the same only sexier, as they open up a swimming pool and the knights dive into it for fruit and other ingredients. Serafina wants to see them… so Sirius comes along. In disguise. That’ll go well. Elsewhere, she goes to a show and accidentally gets proposed to, she plays a game of straw millionaire which reminds us she has no concept of what is normal, and Ludo rescues a child who I’m sure will be more relevant in the next volume, as they sure aren’t here.

There’s an interesting bit near the end of the book, where Serafina meets the spirit of wind, who has come to see her after he found out she speaks spirit languages. This leads to a bit of conflict with Seven, who we’ve always seen as a cute, child-like spirit… and it’s now very clear that Seven is staying that way deliberately, and does not want to grow up. Serafina brushes off Seven’s worries, saying she only wants to be contracted with him no matter his apparent age, but to the reader, choosing not to grow up makes me immediately think of Peter Pan. It’s not really a good thing. It also reminds me that, unlike the main series, this spinoff has, theoretically, a shorter shelf life. How many cute mini-stories can the author wring out before they’re forced to have Serafina grow to her teenage years and face her cruel destiny?

As ever, for fans of the series, but it does remind me, kind of like Kuma Bear does, what a juggling act it can be balancing “adorable children” and “this world is kinda dark”.

By Touya and chibi. Released in Japan as “Tensei Sita Daiseijyo ha, Seijyo Dearuko Towohitakakusu” by Earth Star Novels. Released in North America by Airship. Translated by Kevin Ishizaka. Adapted by Michelle McGuinness.

I’ve talked before about the series’ biggest draw, which is that Fia is a complete airhead who runs on instinct and misapprehension of everything. The big reveal over the course of these ten books is that it’s not due to her having the memories of someone who lived 300 years ago, but that 300 years ago she was exactly the same – no common sense, head empty. But it’s important to remember the other half of this, because when you have one of those ditzy, strong women protagonists, invariably they amaze everyone around them with their goodness and niceness, and that’s been the case here as well. We meet several new saints, most of whom are either doing the saint gig because they have been forced to, or are trying to use the saint gig to get a good husband. And then they run into Fia, and they’re reminded no, wait. I forgot what I felt when I first gained powers. I forgot that healing people and making them happy is wonderful. That’s Fia’s greatest strength.

We pick up where we left off, with the Evil Queen Hyacinthe being told that Fia will be entering the next Saint Competition. Hyacinthe is against this, but Cerulean is determined to have Fia put Hyacinthe in her place. He does this without bothering to ask Fia, who keeps insisting she’s a knight, and has very good reasons why she does not want to be recognized as the next great saint. (Her backstory of her first death, mentioned in the first book and then quietly dropped, is alluded to here, mostly as to why she’s still viscerally afraid of meeting another demon.) Plus for some reason Fia still can’t really think of Hyacinthe as evil, even after we get backstory of Colette, who is of course sweet as pie and tragically ill. As for the Saint Competition itself… well, that’s where we get back to the funny part of the series.

It is a sign of how desperate everyone is in regards to Colette that they decide the answer is simply to let Fia do her Saint stuff and just tell her to be careful, which is sort of like pulling the pin off a grenade and telling it not to explode. They give Fia a veil to hide herself… except her red hair is immediately recognizable, and in any case she takes it off almost immediately. She realizes that some folks may regard her as Fia the knight, so she decides to skip instead of walk. During the saint ceremony. In front of everyone. She skips. I laughed till I cried. She explains that she’s dropping out as she doesn’t have a lot of mana, but she heals people almost instantly and never feels tired. The only time I was surprised is when she met the guy who lost both legs and didn’t magic them back, and I then realized the only reason she didn’t do that is it’s probably being saved for Book 11. She is an adorable, sweet, all-loving menace to society.

Unfortunately for Fia, I think she is going to attract attention, and that demons will show up again. That said, this is the slowest light novel series out there in terms of dribbling out its plot, so it could be Book 20 by the time that happens. In any case, this is fun.