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My First Love’s Kiss, Vol. 3

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By Hitoma Iruma and Fly. Released in Japan as “Watashi no Hatsukoi Aite ga Kiss Shiteta” by Dengeki Bunko. Released in North America by Yen On. Translated by Kiki Piatkowska.

(This discusses the final “twist” in this third and final volume of the series, but not till near the end.)

OK, I’ve calmed down a little bit from a couple hours ago, when I finished this book and was ready to not only tear into it, but also Adachi and Shimamura, and hell, toss Bloom Into You there as well, which the author wrote a spinoff to. But I am now thinking of that meme with the “dead dove do not eat” bag, and I will admit, after my experience with the first volume, and the fact that the second volume managed to somehow up the ante, I really should not have been that surprised at … MOST of what I read here. Most of what I read here is just an author who has decided to write a thought experiment rather than about characters, and also possibly saying “see? I could have turned Adachi and Shimamura into THESE two! Aren’t you glad I didn’t?”. (Oh yes, and there’s another stupid cameo from another of the author’s series I don’t know.) So we’re left with one thing so stupid I’m still angry.

We pick up where we left off, and honestly the rest of the book plays out so predictably – mostly – that I feel reluctant to even sum it up. After hearing that Shiho is her sister, Umi seems to fall EVEN HARDER for her, and decides to move out of the bedroom she shares with Takasora and into an apartment with Shiho. This is, mind you, after Shiho runs off while leaving her bag at Takasora’s house, which requires going to her rich estate to confront her. Takasora tries to stop this happening by grumping about it very hard, but by now Umi is not only aware that Takasora is in love with her but has started to actively reject that. Things are not helped by Umi confessing to Takasora: she plans to kill herself after graduation.

As I said above, I could have guessed most of this by the end of the second book. It is not exactly a surprise that Umi does not really care about any incestuous aspect of her relationship with Shiho. In fact, the fact that Shiho is also a family member – and one who actually explicitly loves her – sends Umi over the moon, really. I’m also not very surprised that the entire Umi suicide plot is left completely up in the air at the end, because, just as Adachi and Shimamura is really Shimamura with a bit of Adachi, these books have been about Takasora, not about Umi, so her own fate is irrelevant once Takasora gives up on her. I can even, very, very grumpily, accept the ending twist where, years later, Takasora has become another Shiho, preying on young students and breaking up their friendships with other girls. It’s thematically gross and terrible, but I can see how the author went “Oh, wow, what a great twist!” while cackling to themselves. No, the absolute DUMBEST thing in this book is Takasora slipping and hitting her head on a rock, and that head injury being signposted as to what made her “turn evil”. There was no need for that! You already signposted your shitty twist! There was no need to make it due to brain damage after talking to Yashiro and wiping out in the river! WHYYYYYYY?

There’s another Adachi and Shimamura due out later this year, and I’m wavering on whether I want to read it, especially since the author wrote the 99.9 volume giving the series a very definitive ending. But whatever it turns out to be, I hope to god they don’t feel a need to shoehorn in anything from this terrible series. There are much better toxic yuri couples out there.

Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?: Familia Chronicle: Episode Lyu, Vol. 2

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By Fujino Omori and NIRITSU. Released in Japan as “Dungeon ni Deai o Motomeru no wa Machigatte Iru Darou ka?: Familia Chronicle: Episode Lyu” by Softbank Creative. Released in North America by Yen On. Translated by Dale DeLucia.

So technically this is the second volume, the first having come out seven years ago. It was the one with Lyu and Syr in the casino, if you forgot. And it’s also the bit that the author cut out of the 18th volume, because that would have made it 700 pages. But in reality, this feels like Astrea Record, Vol. 4. We even get extra scenes with Adi, to remind us that she’s still tragically dead but oh so very, very shiny And of course the rest of the Astra Familia that Lyu was with five years ago? Also still dead. Fortunately, Astrea is not dead, and it turns that she has new Familia in a remote smithing town. And so it’s time for Lyu to run very fast, so that she can break down, get forgiven, level up and get stronger, and then run back to help Bel. Of course, it turns out to not be as simple as that.

Lyu groveling for forgiveness, which comes relatively easily, takes about the first 10 pages of this book. the rest is harder. When Astrea levels her up, she levels to 5, and anyone who read Book 18 of the main series knows that there’s something fishy going on here. Then Lyu tries to train with her new level, and discovers there’s a big difference and she needs to practice. Fortunately, she has three adorable Level 1 juniors to beat up… erm, play tag with, as well as a forest spirit who is really looking for an excuse to go all out… possibly a mistake given this is Lyu. Unfortunately for Lyu, the current captain of Astrea Familia, a Level 2 smith named Cecille, hates her guts. Despite, or perhaps because of, the fact that Astrea has entrusted her with something very important in regards to Lyu.

This is a book about Lyu, so it’s not a surprise that the plot is as straightforward as hell. Lyu is not quite completely healed, and also needs to go from Level 4 to Level 6 in about 5 days, something which no one has EVER done before, so strategy is called for. Fortunately, most of the strategy is “keep hitting things till you get it right”. As for Cecille, she’s not hard to figure out either, mostly as she’s very similar to Lyu, something Lyu knows as she very awkwardly tries to take on a mentor role. It turns out that trying to create the perfect weapon for someone you’ve only heard stories about that drive you crazy with envy can be very hard! It’s only when Lyu opens up and shhares her own tragedy that Cecille manager to find her own inspiration. That said, “straightforward” does not mean bad. This series has never really been known for narrative curveballs anyway.

Good stuff, and if you want to know what happens next, go read 18 again. I think next for us is the Sword Oratoria SS volume.

The Villainess Is Dead! Long Live the Empress! Redoing the Story After a Poisonous End, Vol. 1

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By Iota Aiue and Tsukasa Kuga. Released in Japan as “Shokeisareta Akujo wa, Taikoku de Kouhi no Za wo Tsukamu” by DRE Novels. Released in North America by J-Novel Heart. Translated by Mac B. Gill.

I would not be reviewing 80 billion of these villainess books if I was not a big fan of the genre. As such, I can usually forgive it if it’s a bit on the nose. There are a lot fewer surprises in this first book than is perhaps required, although you might call the end of the book a surprise, as I sense that making this a series rather than a standalone book was a last-minute decision borne out by the rushed non-ending. It does, however, have a terrific romantic couple as our leads. The villainess is honorable, noble, tricky, stubborn, etc. in equal measure. The prince (technically that is a spoiler, but come on, it’s revealed almost immediately and is not a surprise even then) is handsome, self-assured without being smug, and they realistically realize the truth about each other very fast. Also, there’s a handsome woman knight, who is such a great character I will ignore our heroine buying her as a slave (it’s fixed almost immediately).

We open with Westalia, our heroine, being executed after being framed for an attempted murder by her supposed best friend. (I did say this was a typical villainess book.) But it’s OK. She’s taken an antidote, and rises from the dead when her grave is being robbed. Fleeing across borders, she ends up in the Archadies Empire, where the Empress is chosen by a country-wide search. Though, given the literacy rate is pretty low, the finalists do tend to be rich nobles. Westalia came here on purpose. After spending her life trying to learn to be a good queen only to be betrayed, she’ll be damned if she’s going to thrown away trying to help people and do good. So she’s going to become Empress by hook or by crook. Fortunately, the only real competition she has seems very familiar, as if every villainess needs an idiot heroine…

I talked about being a fan of villainess stories, which means I’ve met my share of bratty younger sisters, evil heroines, etc. We get two varieties for the price of one here. Both are presented as “mostly sort of evil”, which is to say they’re evil until the point where the author allows them a bit of depth. Lily has always hated Westalia, and was too busy pretending to be her best friend to realize that her dilemma of being married off to a creepy middle-aged man might have been something solvable with Westalia’s help. (She’s merely disgraced, so we may see her again.) Meanwhile, Elizabeth is using her money and connections to buy the contest, so is very upset when that still isn’t enough. She seems to at least have a bit of self-awareness. She’s definitely coming back, because they rewrote the cliffhanger to assure it.

If you are a villainess fan, this is really good. If you can take or leave it, you probably won’t like it. I’ll definitely read more, though I suspect it might have been better as a one-shot.