A Young Maiden’s Growing Pains: I Reincarnated and All I Got Was This 100X Stat Buff!, Vol. 1

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By Yuno Yozakura and Nimoshi. Released in Japan as “Seichouritsu 100 Bai Cheat no Tensei Youjo ~Heion ni Kurashitai no ni, Mawari ga Sou Sasete Kuremasen~” by Dre Novels. Released in North America by J-Novel Club. Translated by Kim Louise Davis.

I’ve mentioned before that a lot of light novels these days feel like eating stew. The author puts together various ingredients they have around the house, cooks it all up, and if you’re lucky it ends up being far tastier than you were expecting. Unfortunately, sometimes you aren’t so lucky. Sometimes you get what Japan calls “dark nabe”, where people throw deliberately bad ingredients in and the person eating it just ends up unhappy. This should have been a delicious stew. It’s a comedy – in fact, it verges on parody. It’s got a really strong girl who’s also kinda dumb. I normally eat these sort of titles up. Unfortunately, the book cannot quite get past… well, OK, there’s many things wrong with this book, but the biggest is that its heroine, Satie, is thoroughly unlikable. She’s not an airheaded ditz meathead who’s fun to read about, she’s just annoying.

Please count the cliched light novel tropes with me. Our heroine, Saki, is an overworked office lady (1) whose parents abandoned her (2) and who is far too small for her age (3). One day, she saves what she thinks is a cat from being run over by a car, only to die herself (4). She then meets a goddess (5), who explains that what she actually rescued was a plastic bag (6 – OK, so that’s only KonoSuba, but still). She’s offered reincarnation in Japan, or reincarnation in a world filled with fantasy tropes (7). Normally, for once, they don’t give out free stat buffs, but her death was so hilarious – erm, touching – that Hades offers her one cheat skill (8). She decides, having never had a boyfriend due to her small stature, to ask for a smoking hot body. But she words it ambiguously (9), and she ends up smaller than ever – in fact, she’s a perpetual seven-year-old (10) – but her strength is such that she can take down entire armies! (11).

Satie is a pain. Her buffed stats don’t kick in till she takes out a monster, so she doesn’t even realize what’s happened till she’s 13 years old and she kills a slime (12… OK, I’ll stop) that’s terrorizing a cute little puppy that turns out to be Cerberus, a hellhound. Instead, she’s spent most of her time sulking in her room. Her sister loves her, but also sort of regards her as useless, and her parents have given up on her. This is most as she’s given up on herself – she admits she’s not smart and hates to study, so this is not a “sure, my sibling got all the looks and talent but there’s still something I can do” sort of series. Once she gets her powers, she does do things like take on giant monsters, save her sister from a creep trying to use her as a hostage, and prevent a war between two kingdoms by taking one over in half a day. The whole thing is meant to be funny, but it barely raises a chuckle, mostly as Satie is just a whiny girl who doesn’t understand how life works. To be fair, she does manage to avoid breaking up the love between the prince and his childhood friend. Eventually.

This is a Drecom title, and so no doubt there will be one or two more, but they’re not out yet, and I feel comfortable abandoning Satie here. For folks who enjoyed I Shall Survive Using Potions! but figured a 12-year-old body was way too old.

The Trials and Tribulations of My Next Life As a Noblewoman: To Seize the Throne, Part 1

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By Kamihara and Shiro46. Released in Japan as “Tensei Reijo to Sūki na Jinsei o” by Hayakawa Shobo. Released in North America by J-Novel Heart. Translated by Hengtee Lim.

We’re definitely heading into the endgame with this book, though there will be three more after it (the series ended in Japan with book 6, and we’ve been getting it since book 2 in halves). The subtitle is absolutely not wrong, and for once the forced cliffhanger halfway through the book is a terrific cliffhanger – no “the book just kind of stops” here. That said, yikes, that escalated quickly, even for That Escalated Quickly: The Series. The entire volume is Karen trying to get word to Reinald to accelerate his plans, which may be a bit tricky given he was sent away to solve an insoluble problem. And there’s also the issue that, well, Reinald is kind of the bad guy here, and Karen spends a lot of the book firmly declaring she knows this but she is on his side anyway. We are choosing blood and conquest, and our heroine, despite her misgivings about gunpowder now being a thing here, is making it happen more than anyone else.

Karen prepares for Six to transport her to the city of Estaverde, where Reinald is doing delicate negotiations to try to get the city to be part of the Empire again – though so far they won’t even talk to him. Unfortunately, Six’s teleportation sends Karen on top of an assassin trying to kill Kiem, the leader of the city in question, and despite technically saving his life she’s thrown into prison. Quickly released thanks to Reinald, she delivers her message: the Emperor and Wilhelmina are teaming up to get rid of him. This forces Reinald to advance his plans, helped out a bit by the fact that Kiem has something he wants and Reinald can help him get it, and also by Karen, whose hair, in this country, makes her a sort of lucky cat statue. Then Karen goes back home and everything gets worse and worse.

The first two-thirds or so of this book is a lot of fun. We once again see, despite Karen thinking he has no feelings for her at all, and Reinald’s insistence that he’s not taking a wife, that they’re perfect for each other, and that Karen understands Reinald better than anyone except his closest aides, and while I think he still struggles to get Karen’s mindset, he’s now accepted it. We also get a really cool swordfight, showing that Reinald loves to fight dirty, not a great look for a supposed royal. That said, I was unsurprised that the moment Lubeck popped up in the narrative again things got worse, though Karen proves herself a very capable agent provocateur. Still, even she was unprepared for what she finds when she gets to The Box to destroy it. Gotta admit, they picked a really, really clever way to protect the box, despite it also being an atrocity in every possible way.

Excitement! Adventure! Really wild things! Horrors that make you ill and probably prevent this getting an anime! All this can be yours in another exciting Trials and Tribulations, a series whose title still does not lie.

A Tale of the Secret Saint, Vol. 11

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By Touya and chibi. Released in Japan as “Tensei Sita Daiseijyo ha, Seijyo Dearuko Towohitakakusu” by Earth Star Novels. Released in North America by Airship. Translated by Kevin Ishizaka. Adapted by Michelle McGuinness.

There’s a fascinating moment towards the start of this book where, in front of most of the Saint candidates and several doctors and patients, Fia once again does something completely and utterly ludicrous in terms of her magical power. It’s meant to be played for comedy, and it is funny, but it also reminds you what an anomaly she is. Those gathered don’t see her as a Saint, as she’s supposed to be for this competition, or as a Knight, which she insists she is, but as some sort of monster or cryptid. They rear back, and some literally run away. It’s a reminder of just how different she is – and you could say how far downhill the country has come in three hundred years, but while that’s true to an extent, let’s remember what the Secret Saint Zero books have taught us, that Serafina, in her own time, was ALSO ludicrously powerful above all of the other Saints. She’s just that terrifying. (And hilarious.)

We’re still in the middle of the first round of the Saint competition, and Fia is doing what she does best, which is “helping” all her fellow candidates by doing things that no one else could do as if it was nothing. In my review of Book 10 I mentioned that she failed to cure a man who lost his legs, and theorized that would wait till Book 11, and I was absolutely correct. She’s also winning the Saint candidates over to her side – the three from the last book are in her corner, of course, but even prickly Priscilla, who has really disliked Fia until now, starts to falter in the face of her goodness and niceness. Fia doesn’t have a political bone in her body. Which is good, as it means she’s not getting influenced by any of the political wranglings going on here, but also bad, as God, she’s such a dumbass.

If you’ve read my reviews of the last few books you can skip this entire paragraph, but here I go again: God, I hate the way these books are paced. I also dislike that the last third to quarter of every volume is short stories, but I think I wouldn’t mind that as much if things were not moving so glacially in the main storyline. Look, this is a good series, I like it. And yes, it’s very popular in Japan, and has an equally popular spinoff. The anime even starts soon. But come on, I don’t want to be reading it in 2032. I want to resolve the plotlines, bring in the demons, have Fia confront her past, figure out at last which one is really Sirius reincarnated (I *think* it’s Cyril, but…), and have everyone live happily ever after. Loner Life has an even slower pace, but at least it’s nearly 500 pages per book. Make things happen!

After Secret Saint ZERO 6, of course, which should be around in a couple of months. Till them, please stand in awe of the weirdness that is Fia.